I just received a message from a dear friend in distress … a message consisting of a few words that are overtly normal but covertly loaded. The message reminded me of my distressed self after being subjected to similar abuse by a hate hoarder not too long ago. So I decided to reflect on the message and the experience.
My dear friend, this is for you …
There are things in life that one prefers not to believe. Things that one deliberately chooses to deny over and over again. Things that once unblinded to, one will never see life in the same lens ever again. One of such things is the amount of hate that runs in some people’s circulatory systems and the level of bitterness that marrs their souls. It is really difficult to comprehend and digest that such people exist and are living freely, dodging responsibility, evading accountability, and succeeding, at least extrinsically. Intrinsically, I do not think there can be a better definition for misery.
When we were children, we were told horrifying stories about demons, and how those infernal spirits looked different and occupied different spaces than ours … how those were only to pop up in their intangible demonic forms if we do something bad, if we misbehave. However, with time, one starts to wonder why we weren’t told stories and warned about fellow humans … visible, audible, and tangible humans with dark traits. Doesn’t it make more sense to scare us of people who may inflict severe harm on us than to scare the shit out of us in order to behave and be kind, nice, and respectful to everyone whether they deserve it or not?
Yes. Some people do not deserve kindness, they also do not deserve niceness, and most importantly they do not deserve respect. I am not advocating for reciprocal treatment though, we do not need more “demonic entities” on this planet, those on it are more than enough. And after all and although not easy to swallow, being on the receiving end of abuse is easier on the conscience and inner peace than being an abuser. What I am saying is that some people do not deserve anything beyond what psychologists, especially those specialised in narcissistic abuse, refer to as greyrocking. Not that it necessarily works, but it at least saves some energy.
It is strange how hate, bitterness, negativity, and traumas (which are not an excuse but an explicator) turn a person’s vocal cords into a hatred spitting/spilling machine and their eyes into soul-less and shine-less hollows … how this makes them practice projections and gaslighting for the addictive ecstatic sense it temporarily gives them … how seeing a person in distress equates inhaling oxygen to them, and how it becomes the only way for them to stay alive (and then we wonder why there are wars and why the state of the world is as it is. How else would it be? It is actually suprising it still exists!). Such people hoard hate until it becomes too difficult to handle .. until they run out of space … this is when they start going around and spilling out the excess onto others … usually on others who have traits that do not resemble their own … traits that reflect empathy, compassion, understanding, patience, and more. The disaster is that this spilling is continuous. One might be spared for a while due to the existence of another source of supply or in other words another source to dump hate onto, but the hate hoarders will try their best to come back and spill yet more hate. They just don’t stop spilling because they don’t, won’t (and maybe can’t) stop filling their souls with hate. They are untreatable. Knowing that they are untreatable is difficult to accept but it is liberating at the same time. It is a licence not to even try anymore. The only remedy, whenever possible, is to run away from them and never look back.
Friend, I know it is tough to think straight after being subjected to such entities, I know it turns the whole world into a dark hole (just like their souls), I know that it can break and scar … but I also know that you are strong and that you can turn this into a strength rather than into a weakness. I know that this will increase your willingness to continue doing what you are doing, and to go other places as well. Such hate hoarders thrive on seeing you fall apart, do not give them the satisfaction of it.